I HATE YOU!!!!!

*WARNING*

If you are truly a 'baby daddy' in all matter of that term, DO NOT read this entry. You might read some shit about yourself that you might not want to hear*


Granted, the mere title "Ramblings of a Single Parent Goddess" might be a reason why I have no male followers, the note above might be for naught but it is what it is.


I will be the first to admit that I fucked up royal by having a child with you. On the other hand, I will never be the one who is first accused of being immature and childish. I love my son with everything that I have and I realize that being a single parent with minimal help and relief time is not the most exciting thing to do and if I could have it another way, I would.
That being said, if I had to do this ALL over again and not have my son, I would choose to stay right where I am... Mad as Fuck!

This is why I need to get this out of my system today and now and forever. For my sanity's sake:

Today, I must say that I hate you with all that I have.
As a mother, I have come to the decision that my son comes first. Before everything, I must think of his safety.

Downside is that I married your stupid ass and just getting off the phone with you is something that has me clawing at the walls whenever I must speak with you.

There comes a time in a person's life when they have to own up to their mistakes and move forward with a new way of thinking.

I am more than aware that you did not willingly choose to have children and I am more than aware that you feel you are forced to do your job as a parent. I also understand that you feel that your life is over (if it ever actually began) when God gave you this beautiful child and you chose to spit in His face by calling the child's mother out and stomping your feet and begging her to have an abortion when she could have and to give him up for adoption after it was no longer an option.
You never saw that this girl you called yourself "dating" was maturing before your eyes and was looking at you like a madman and having difficulty looking at herself in the mirror trying not to see the victim that she had become. By the time your son was conceived (albeit not on purpose, not in an "I'm going to trap him with a kid" kind of thinking) I, the woman you had controlled all those years, was done with being controlled. The mere thought of raising a child in the life she was living was not going to work and I planned for a year, and left you when the boy was only 17 months old. I was not going to stick it out with your crazy ass and have my son grow up watching without an ounce of respect for others.

I was unaware that at the age of 19, I would meet a man who at 37, should have known that there was something almost criminal in dating someone my age. You, if your mother had raised you right, should have been able to recognize that the woman you had added on as a 'friend'(at least that is what you told your girlfriend I was) was young enough to be your fucking daughter.

Shame on you for searching out women and girls with not the best self esteem so you could be the man of the house and run their worlds.

Some how at that time I thought you were good for me (because I wasn't thinking) and I sure as hell know better now.

When I get on the phone, I want to scream and yell at you because I know you are still stalking girls now old enough to be MY daughters and that makes me sick.

So when I ask for a slight modification in the schedule, reply via email because you will have a monster on the end of the line until I decide in my head that I choose not to hate you anymore.

Please don't look for a miracle to happen any time soon. I took 13 years of your shit and I make no estimation as to when I will stop hating you. It is my turn to dish out what you gave me and if you are thinking clearly, which you more than likely are not, you wouldn't want to call me for shit.

I will make every effort to be civil, but know that the sound of your voice is more than I can tolerate at this point in my life and I would be more than satisfied if I NEVER had to hear your squeaky upstate NY accent ever again.

Thank you for calling me as I was writing this, so I could tell it to you personally.



Goddess




This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Lose it like you're getting paid to do it!

I lose it sometimes, and I am proud.
That is not to say that I lose it for the sake of satisfaction of watching little children cower at my feet cringing at the very vibration of my soprano holler...


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I have come to realize that in order to make any attempt at raising well balanced, well rounded, self starting children who will be the adults helping you in and out of bed and on and off the bedpans in your old age, you gotta let them see your human side.
It is okay to lose your cool but you have to set the framework up for how you lose it and make sure your children are comfortable with the process.

I used to yell a great deal. Then, one day, I saw my precious child draw back at my noise level. At that point, I decided that I would stop yelling but I would not give up my release of getting angry and losing it from time to time. I think it is perfectly okay for children to see their parents half cocked and looking a bit crazy. Adds to the flavor of the food at dinnertime.

I had a friend in grade school who had parents that would crack me up when they got angry.Her mom would chew her tongue while scolding her.

Try it. I know you want to... :)

Her stepfather would point at her with his middle finger when he was scolding. It was extra hilarious to watch them both scolding her at the same time.

ah... childhood...

I am thankful to be growing up alongside a young man who sometimes loses it himself. When he has his moments, we can talk about it and how he feels because he knows that I understand because I have been there and he has been witness; willing and unwilling.


So my advice is to never be afraid to lose your cool in front of your children from time to time...

They will respect you for it.
And you will gain respect in a relationship that at times can make you want to flip your lid.


Goddess

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