I so needed a laugh today. then...

Check out this video: Really Hot French Game Show Contestant






Then i got to thinking. i read some of the comments made on this video and people were mentioning that if she didn't want to show them, she should cover them up. what they failed to see was that she was adjusting her top because she felt she had to.
granted, she has breasts. granted, the host is a male.

that right there explains the entire clip.

do not damn a woman who wants to look sexy and beautiful. yes, they are two completely separate definitions of how a woman can look. i think for the most part, she did her best. the host did the best he could as well. is there any way we can have American television in this manner. i laughed. i laughed. i laughed.

what do they say is the best medicine?

roger that!


then i got

Mrs. Bhutto and Mr. Blitzer

imagine how Mr. Blitzer feels...

What would you do if someone sent you an email stating to share with the public only in the event of death?

Would you have accepted the email without reading or at least finding out what was in it?

Mr. Blitzer did. he did what he was trusted to do. i don't think many people would have honored her wishes.
if Paris Hilton had sent an email stating that her grandfather was a selfish son of a bitch for having left her family with only 63 mil in an inheritance in his will.

Who would spill?
Who would keep their mouths shut?

i for one am very sad and distressed that she felt that the only way to make a statement about the security provided to her by the opposing government was inadequate. i know why she did it this way. like so many people who feel that their voice has not been heard. who feel that their opinion was not trusted. who feel that what matters is a posthumous stab at those she KNOWS are responsible for her death. i don't thin Benazir Bhutto was paranoid. i know she must have been very afraid, but very conscious of the necessity of change.

i am so very saddened..
g

i'm still here...

I remember when i was far younger and still on the web when we had to put tags like that in the subject line lest our post might drive someone to do the unthinkable.
I have had a great many challenges in my life and i have surmounted all issues and come through all with flying colors (if you want to call flaming neon green poo flying colors). I have reached an empasse...
I no longer wish to awaken in the morning in my present state. I awaken to the feeling of not being rested. Not only am i not feeling refreshed, but my eyes are showing it. My suffering is great, but i know my job.
I am mother, daughter, friend, sister and so much more. All that i am is important to me, however, the medical professionals that i entrust with my well being have left me in a state of barely uncontrolled FURY. I cannot make an appointment right now because my anger lashes out. It is an animal that i am no longer able to poo-poo into solution.
People keep asking me if i am under a great amount of stress. No more than usual, i say, and getting better all the time. I really should not be driving, but how do you get to the appointments?
I went to the dentist yesterday, at the behest of my neurologist, who i was referred to by psychiatry because they, who i was referred to by my primary doctor, because she had no idea either, to check out somehting so far fetched that even my dentist had a huge smile on his face. My primary had even sent me to rheumatologist because she had lost her footing with me not once, but twice.

So, without bitching about my symptoms goings-on, i will leave it at that.

My statement:
I do not want to die, yet i feel as if each day is my last. I have so much to live for. I am worth so much to myself and the people around me that it is unfair for someone who has so much to live for to be in this situation.
I know that when i explain the above statement to the powers that be, they feel no option but to consider me 51/50 and send the paddy wagon to keep themselves out of potential future litigation, by showing that they "did all that they could do".
What is untrue about their statement is that they have not done all that they can do.
I will continue to demand that they help me so thay we can work together to give me a reason to get out of bed and face the world and life that i love and miss so much.
On to the ombudsman tomorrow.

G

Sexaii!

what i find sexy....

- glasses on a man (especially the horn rimmed type)

- intelligence

-tanned construction workers

-gold jewelry and belly chains

-Erotic Fiction written by women for women

-irish men ALL irish men (except my ex husband)

-having the wind blow through my hair

-PDA's

-any person not offensively skinny (and you know what i mean) men and women

-a hand on my knee

- still Polo after all these years

-pet names

- clean shaven faces for sure.

- The way i can make a man stop and stair if i wanted to (still funny when i do)

-cleavage.... LOTS of cleavage (that's what stops the men :))

- dark eyeliner

-long lashes

- tattoos that only i know exist and an appreciation by the man i am with when he does find them ;)

- sophistication in a man's voice
- a man with more to do than he has to say hahahahahah!

- Certain songs with certain rhythms that make you imagine certain things!! Rhythm is key after all ;-) i am just going to steal this one. just not porn music. hee hee

What do you find sexy???

9/11

9/11... the documentary just aired on CBS tonight

just saw the documentary 9/11 on tv.
it was a documentary done by two french brothers who wanted to do a documentary showing a rookie's probationary period on the new york city fire department.

now i know where all of that uncanny footage came from. it is amazing to see some of the shots they got. they were there just to watch a "probie" earn his stripes and wound up recording history. amazing.
the entire fire house that they were filming at went in first and all got out alive. they guys really have not been the same since. most of them are scarred and get teared up just thinking about it. they all lost brother's from the fire force that day. many of them retired or went on to different houses and whatnot, but they all seem to have had the same question fired at them.

"why did you all survive?"
that is, i think, the equivalent of asking someone "why didn't you die?"

i think many of them are suffering from survivor's guilt.
those poor men
those poor women
those poor families
out poor country
i don't know why we don't have the monument built.
i caught a news story about on built overseas that is being visited because we can't get our shit together to give our families somewhere to go. there is a monument at the fire station that sits across from where the towers used to be. amazing.

i hope tomorrow can be a day of mourning. a day of remembrance, and most of all, a day never to forget.

g

Santa Who?

i'm busted!

my son has been bugging me over the past week about Santa...
he keeps coming at me with "what is Santa really?"

i danced around it long enough.

i explained to him that Santa is an idea. a fantastic idea that some parents use to convince their children to behave through the year. it seems easier to please a person who is larger than life than to please your parents sometimes. i told him that Santa is just like the imaginary friends that he has. while he is playing with them, they are real to him.
i told him that he can still believe in Santa. he just has to understand that the gifts do come from mom and dad mostly. i had to explain to him that it is the spirit of chirstmas that keeps the idea and concept of Santa alive.
i didn't bring up the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairie, or the Sandman or anyone else in the land of make believe. he took my answer. i did express to him that it was very important not to share the information because it would break the hearts of the other
kids who truly believe that santa is real. i told him that Christmas will not change. gifts will still be addressed from Santa. that is how we celebrate christmas with Santa.
i also asked my son what the real reason why celebrate christmas is. he knew it was about Mary and Joseph and Jesus. i explained to him that Jesus was a very important person in our lives because he gave the ultimate sacrifice to save us all. i let him know that God was very upset with us because we were not following the rules and behaving like sensible people should. and that God gave us 2 more chances. he would send his Son to remind us how we were supposed to act. when we didn't listen to his Son, God decided that he had to sacrifice his only son to help us understand just how precious life is and how important it is to listen to and learn about the right way to behave and live.
i said that Jesus was a very important guy and that what better way to celebrate his birthday than to share the concept of the gift that he gave to us by giving gifts to other in remembrance of what he did.
somehow, i see this all coming back to hit me in the face, but i couldn't keep dodging the subject. he really wanted to know and he was okay with my explanation.

life goes on

November 24....

he passed away 4 years ago

the very strange thing about it, it that i really don't miss him. i just wish he was still here. does that qualify as missing a person. i know he was okay with going. my dad was always one of those people who "kept his shit straight". there was no reason for him to ever be afraid of dying. you get what you get and you go when you go. his outlook on life that started off so poorly and continued in such a way until his 30s always seemed to be allright in his head. he was okay and i guess that is why i am okay with it too. though it is true that it is a different experience for everyone, i am glad to have known him and to have been blessed with such a dad. the poem on his program says it all and i try to follow it to this day.....

Miss Me, But Let Me Go!

When I come to the end of the road,

And the sun has set for me,

I want no rites in a gloom filled room,

Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little, but not too long,

And not with your head bowed low;

Remember the love we once shared,

Miss Me, But Let Me Go!

For this is a journey we all must take,

And each must go alone,

It's all a part of the Master's plan,

A step on the road to home.

When you are lonely and sick at heart,

Go to friends we know;

Bury your sorrows in doing good deeds,
Miss Me, But Let Me Go!

poetry

looking up...you better not pout
you better not lie
you better not call me
names or you'll die

Ex-Wife Claus is coming to town!

she's making a list
she checking it twice
ex husbands will be
dead and on ice

Ex-Wife Claus is coming to town!

she sees you when you pick up
she sees you when you drop.
she sees you in the restaurant
with a 12 year old she calling the cops?

oh you better not shout
you better not curse
you better stay cool
she's got a gun in her purse

Ex-Wife Claus is coming to town!

thank the lord i still have a sense of humor. it is what gets me through the hard times. right now, i think it is the hard time. i know it will get better. i feel it coming down the pipe. i have faith that things will improve.
milo will have his Christmas taken care of. i will find a way to get his tuition paid. i will get my bank statements back sooner than later so that i can get on with the court deal. i will do things in my life that make me happy. that will cause things to fall into place sooner than later.

in the meantime, i will still keep smiling, laughing, and enjoying every last minute of my life.

love you all,

me

p.s.
i WILL keep my day job

Christmas 2006.....what it really means to me.

This was perhaps the best Christmas on record for me.
it was good on two ends for me.
for my son, Christmas gifts were scarce, but every last one of them held something special for Milo. he know there is not Santa Claus, but he know of the spirit of giving and of sharing. virtually every toy that i did get for him, he had longed for. he also knew this was going to be a Christmas where his mom was not going to be getting much. we got up around 10am. he came in to my room to say good morning and hear me tell him merry Christmas. we talked for a bit about how he knew i was going to yell MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! because that is just how i am. then i told him that we should check under the tree to see his gifts. i swear, my son must have thought he was going to get nothing for Christmas. the presents didn't appear until after Milo was asleep. we walked into the room and he saw the gifts and asked who they were all for... i said they were for him. he just got this huge grin on his face. i said for him to go ahead and start opening them. he asked me to share the opening of the gifts with him. he wanted me to open gifts too so he let me "help" him open his gifts. h OMG i could have just sat and cried right there if it was not for the look of joy when he opened the presents that he longed for and found them in their boxes. i know it was hard for me to watch the gifts being opened at my brother's house. everyone had so much stuff. it just made me sad to think that i could not do that for my son this year. what i did teach him though was that Christmas was for being together and for spending time with loved ones or remembering those who are so far away or have gone on to heaven. i just feel good about what i made out of a not so good situation.
secondly, for so many years, i have been trying to get my family to head out to my house for dinner or a get-together or anything. many times it has fizzled out. many times. it is just me, myself, and i.
sometimes i doubt myself so much that i commit social suicide by sabotaging the whole thing.
this year was different. there simply was no room at my grandparents house for our big ass, loud ass family.
i made a feast fit for a king (or a least a very hungry man) and served it all up for everyone to have. everyone was happy with something.

we had
catfish stew
rice
dressing
garlic mashed potatoes
gravy
baked macaroni and cheese
turkey
cornbread
and some other stuff i forgot.

i was just so happy to see many of my family at MY house and enjoying themselves. it was a great time. something i will surely not forget for a long while. i can't even describe how happy i was to see them all spill through the front door. i got to see almost everyone that i wanted to see. there were some special people missing, but they will be out next time around. probably the two people that i missed the most were my mom and dad.
my mom is very homesick. i called her today to ask her about the macaroni and cheese (i forgot the egg) and she sounded sad. she said she missed everyone. i am going to have to find a way out there more often. i don't know how i am going to do that. it is frightening that my life has turned out this way, but i am going to have to make it work for me with all the resources that i have. i will get to her. i have decided that. or i will get her to me.

i miss my dad just as much. i know i will never hear his voice spoken in open air again. but he is always with me. he will forever be with many of us. he was a nut, but he was MY nut. MY daddy. i was his baby girl. my auntie feels the same way almost. she was his baby sis. she came in the house and went looking for the pictures i keep in a frame for him. i moved him down the hall and put his biggest frame on top of my tv in the movie room. man, i miss him. my life has changed so much since he has been gone. i wish there were a way to be able to sit down, have a beer, and just shoot the breeze with him. just to be able to bullshit with him one more time. i know that won't be for a long time coming, and i can wait, but i wish i could get that wish sooner.

anywhoo. it was a rockin' christmas.
it was fantabulous!
g

Pay it forward

I have always believed strongly in the power of giving. i have always believed that if you give a little, that is all you have to do. don't expect anything in return, but be grateful if it does come back to you.

today, Milo and i went to Denny's after Mass and stopping by to say hi to Michelle's momma. he was all decked out in one of the new shirt and tie sets he got for Christmas. we got to the building and you know how you stand at the counter waiting for someone to ask you "how many?" well we stood there for a minute when two men walked in. they looked like business men with their logos on shirts look and trench jackets. well the girl looked up and asked the men before me and milo "how many?" no question perhaps of who was here first, but she just took the two professional men over the mother and child. i won't pull the race card, she was just not using her common sense. so i started to stew about it and was about to leave. the other lady at the counter sat us after a few minutes. she could see i was pissed. *sigh* what to do.
so i went as far as telling her what happened. nothing else happened. i am so not surprised.
i tried to let it go. i had lost my appetite but i ordered anyway (milo usually polishes off what i don't eat anyway). i was thinking up ways to ask for a comp meal or something for the horrible hospitality, when a lady came up to my table and handed me a coupon for 20% off my entire tab. how very nice of her. she gave one to the table behind me as well. she said she would not be back by the time the rest of them expired so i thanked her and forgot all about the huff and puff i was about to raise.

so off to the counter Milo and I go to pay our tab. i was thinking that she deserved a surprise. so i paid her tab. that's right. that lady was there with three kids. i paid her tab. my tab after the coupon wasn't even 10 bucks so i paid it. me and Milo went back to thank her for the coupon and were on our way. Milo was trying to figure out what we had just done. i told him that we just shared a smile. if we could make her day by paying her tab, we were paying her back in kindness for the coupon she gave us while asking for nothing in return. i told him that if she is smiling and she passes that smile onto someone else, they would probably pass it on to someone else and milo chimed in with " and people would be smiling all over California". i added a bit more by telling him that hopefully it would be the cause of people smiling all over the world.

then we went home and i cleaned the kitchen while Milo played in his room.
there is so much that i cannot give my son materialistically, but i can give him so much more on the spiritual and emotional level. milo was dressed so smartly for church. he really has a way with people. when we get to the part where we show the sign of peace to one another, milo is the first with his hand out there saying Peace be with You. today he Hi Fived one of our Deacons. it was cute. i love my son. i love that he loves God. i love that he watches Father Joe in awe. i also love that he is not at all afraid to ask questions. even if it means that he might be setting an adult straight. like Jesus in the temple.
whatever my son becomes in life, i know that i started him off right. i am giving him what he needs to be a good Christian citizen. a child of God. a mother's son.

this job i love.

i was touched in this same way. i don't know when and i don't know by whom, but i have always had this in my heart. i am glad to see that it was not a fluke with me and that i can pass this on to my son.
please, everyone, pay it forward if you can.

pay for someone mocha at starbucks or smile at a person who may or may not need it. give a person room to make a lane change or just wave someone across the intersection even if they stopped a split second after you.
i have been blessed and i am more than grateful. don't get me wrong, i am still human, but i know things could be much worse. things could be better, but they could be worse. i know that i can give what i can and be content that i have done my part and will continue to do so.

somehow, this season has changed me. i can't describe it.

g

thinking about things

with reference to black history month and all that perhaps my brothers and sister feel they deserve and what they actually should be getting...

on the opposite yet same end of the spectrum as you (amykay) in thought. however, it is a little more bizarre for me because i am a black woman. when i say that reparations is a crock of hooey, folks look at me like my head rolled off my shoulders and hit their new Jordan's.
i know what i know and i know that i grew up in a household and a family full of adults who lived through the labeled drinking fountains and bathrooms.
my grandfather was there when the young people who wanted to register voters turned up missing and then were found dead.
i can ask many many relatives about Emmet Till and they will cry when they relate the story of that day.
i know why the caged bird sings...

however, i do not believe that the caged bird should forever bind itself to the cage. also, should the caged bird be willing to unlatch the blessed "protection" of the cage and be willing to take flight. to soar with other birds. to experience the wind currents beneath it's wings.

if i am qualified, hire me. if you choose not to hire me because you are only 35 and you grew up in a house where my people were call "niggers" on a daily basis. where it was the norm and you thought nothing of it until you went away to college and realized that we were human too.

if i want to rent from you and and clear a deal with me on the phone and suddenly the aparment is rented shortly after my personal visit, to hell with you.

i grew up in a household of acceptance of EVERYONE no matter what they did to you. i grew up in a town where i was one of only 4 black kids. i remember that is where i learned the names that they called us. it was just the norm because they never had to confront us. when we moved into town, we threw it in their faces. as depressing as that seemed for us, imagine how it much have felt to their kids who grew up and thought about their upbringing and felt it wrong?

anywho.....

equal?
yes. only in the eyes of the Lord.
equal?
yes. only in the eyes of the Law.
equal?
perhaps one day in the distant future when all the influences that change the thinking of young children have passed away

Poetry

got to thinking about L-O-V-E wrote a poem about it. . .

Bitterment before Betterment

What is this Love?
that makes my heart flutter
that makes my palms sweat
my head spin
my voice crack
my teeth clench

Where is this Love?
that eludes me
hides from me
snaps...
my...
bra...

gives me sleepless nights
gruesome frights
wanna
take...
flight ...
far...

Where the blind see nothing
and the mute speak no words
my feelings free to express
my face free to be plain
no need to explain

ME

*bows*

The first song i sang to my son

Who knows how long i've loved you
you know i love you still
will i wait a lonely lifetime
if you want me to=== i will.

for if i ever saw you
i didn't catch your name
but if never really mattered
i will always feel the same

love you forever and forever
love you with all my heart
love you whenever we're together
love you when we're apart

and when at last i find you
your song will fill the air
sing it loud so i can hear you
make it easy to be near you
for the things you do endear you to me
you know i will
i will....

g

Gay in the NBA

what does being gay have to do with your ability to play sports well? or do anything well for that matter?
i swear if i hear any shit like what came out of Tim Hardaway's mouth this week, i would write a letter to some people who matter at the NBA.
John Amaechi is a ball player.
John Amaechi is an intellect.
John Amaechi is the only British player ever to play for the NBA.
John says "that people whose voices can ricochet around the word need to be careful of how they wield their words"
there are many who are gay and lesbian and perceived to be gay and lesbian in a state of fear.
Hardaway has empowered bigots all over with what he said.
Tim Hardaway is an idiot. what makes him think that knowing a person is gay and showering with them versus showering with a person who is not known to be gay makes a difference. he got asked to leave the NBA event in Vegas this weekend. I guess the NBA got the letters...
idiot.
Shaq said any player who was gay would be his boy. no reason to judge. just back up ya boys. that's what makes a team. people (regardless of anything other than being human) working together

oh i forgot. John Amaechi is gay. doesn't matter does it?

my .02

garota

i was once asked to explain something in "black style"

you want me to explain this with my interpretation as a black woman?
there is no such thing as "black style"
african americans/blacks/negroes/"sistah"

don't like to be pigeonholed by descriptions such as black style. it does not make us angry, it makes us sad.

what you have just done is point out what a black woman is expecting and usually receives when she walks into a room.

people expecting her to roll her eyes and play it up "black style"
most of the time, you will find a black woman either walking into a room with her head hung low expecting all that you just pushed upon me in this short email and feeling not so good about who she is and what God has blessed her with.

on the other hand, you may find the black woman walking into a room with her head held high, in effect saying "fuck off" to all that have a predetermined view of her.

next time you decide to ask for an honest opinion, please do not interject yours within.

thank you,
in honesty,

garota

FUCK YEAH! I CAN BE A BITCH!
YOU CANNOT EXPECT A WOMAN TO PLAY HERSELF THAT WAY.
GEEZE MAHKNEES

G

Poetry

so the fuck what if you own a shop?
do you think your shit stopped stinking when you signed the lease?

i am willing to bet you it didn't

taking advantage of a sistah
because she wants to wear her hair in natural twists
charging her 40 bucks an hour for wanting to preserve her beauty
her natural beauty

jacking a brother by closing your shop before 8
right....
the negroes with jobs can just cut their own damn hair
to hell with the working stiff

try to make it easy on us working mothers
with boys with hair
and no daddies to take them to the shop.

have sympathy for the daddies
doing it on their own
trying to make a home
scrounging for a bone

let us get houses
get dinner on
take a squat
rest our weary heads

allow us to pray
for the blessing of the day
that God has given us;
healthy children
steady income
running car

don't look at us and nod your head like we are one of your homies.
ask us if we need help
call us ma'am
call us sir
call us because we pay you
without us
there would be no lease
there would be no "open" sign
there would be no shop
there would be no you

just a brotha on the corner
trying to hustle a dime
trying to make a buck
down on his luck

don't you mutter "what the fuck?"

*bows*

garota

Virginia Tech

In no way am i condoning what happened at Virginia Tech....

But i thought i might share a little with you on a person who can empathize with Seung-Hui Cho.

He did what he did to get back at all the people who ever treated him bad. by the time he snapped, he didn't give a shit who it was. he needed to sacrifice someone, anyone.

how can i empathize with a killer, you ask?

very easily. my life started off just like his.

the quiet shy individual
easy to cry
easy to pick on
easy to give in
easy to give up
easy to lock down

certain factors happen in one's life that can put you in position for a final knock-down drag-out fight with mankind.

i still experience the shit that he went through on a daily basis.
let me tell you about my Friday at work:

i work in an office full of men and women.
ok? you say.
these men and women have found over the years that they share like causes feelings and interests.
cliques are formed.
some of these cliques are the same cliques that gave me cold bloody fucking hell in elementary, junior high, high school and in my neighborhood.
in my childhood and adolescence.
they were fuckers back then and they're fuckers today.

i too, have not changed in the way i am still affected by the way they treat me.
what has changed is how i choose to deal with them.

i have recently relocated to another floor with my work group. generally people chose to sit with the same cliques they had downstairs.
fine
let them all sit together. the sad part is that you sometimes have to walk through the hen house to get to the eggs.
during our transition to the 3rd floor, i have encountered some issues with my desk. those issues require attention so as not to put my body in jeopardy.

2 times in one day, i was forced to head over to that area to talk to a technician or a manager for assistance. twice i encountered full-on teasing and mistreatment.
twice i had to retreat.
the first time i handled it well. i tried to stand my ground.
the second time, i was not even allowed to finish my sentence before i was lambasted by "the crew"
i promptly turned away saying that i didn't like that type of treatment and headed back to my desk to do my work.

i sat at my desk for a few minutes thinking of ways that i could calm down and get through my day without crying.

then one of "the crew" came up to me and hugged me.
she hugged me hard.
she hugged me twice.

do you want to know why she did that?

to attempt to save herself
to make sure that i would turn the gun away from her if i happened to come into the office to clear out all the assholes who reminded me so much of the assholes who have made my entire life miserable.
who have made me go to the edge
who have chided me to jump
who have given me reason to doubt myself
who have given me reason to go as far as making a voodoo doll to keep them at bay
who have stifled the person that i should have been allowed to become and experiment with while i was still young.

she hugged me because she didn't want to die.

i felt that when she hugged me. i saw right through to what she thought she was trying to do.
some of us have a bit more of the psychic energy than others. this shit runs in my family and i hate it. when a person touches me, i get it all. if you ever lie to me, make sure you aren't shaking my hand or touching my arm and please don't hug me.

as a child all the way through high school, i used to cry when people would hug me. i didn't want to feel all the sadness and pain that they were feeling. how do you tell people that you don't want to be hugged because you will cry? how can you tell a person that they have the potential to pass on their energy to someone lined up to accept it (whether they want to or not)?

you can't.
you keep yourself at arms length and by doing so, invite "the crew" in for attack.

my life then is not my life now.

i don't want to shoot people
i don't want to see people dead
i have to admit that i have in the past
i am not like that today

the reason why?

i got help.

i had enough people around me who heard my cries for help and led me in the right direction. to peace and sanity. medication. cognitive therapy. coping skills. recreational sports. peace of mind was attained by force. not by choice.

Seung-Hui Cho could have used some outside force to help him reconnect with the human race.
it was never delivered
no one took a stand
no one snitched and held their ground

instead, he chose to answer with all he knew.

retaliation,
pain,
hurt,
destruction.

it is our fault as a society that we did not take the time to put our arm around a man who was hurting and ask him what was going on.
it is our fault as a society that we did not take the time to demand that he seek help and then if he decided against it, to hold our ground and ask the powers that be to force the issue.

it is our responsibility as a society to hold one another up.....REGARDLESS!!!!!
it is our responsibility as a society to love one another .....REGARDLESS!!!!!
it is our responsibility as a society to accept one another .....REGARDLESS!!!!!
it is our responsibility as a society to pray that we all turn ourselves about and look behind us. to see the people we are leaving behind.
to reach out our hand and lead them to where we all should be.
living a good life with strong beliefs and peace. .....REGARDLESS!!!!!

that's the only way it can get done
that's the only way it can get better.

g

people

people
who are people to me?
they do not define who i am.
what is most important to me is my faith in the Lord and His undying love for me.
i thought about a lot of things that are going on in my life and i came to a conclusion that most of my pain is brought on by my dependence on people.
for acceptance
for criticism
for advice
for devotion
for love
for relatively everything that i have defined myself.

i have to keep in mind and hold strong that the most faith i have in me is based on my faith in God and the peace of mind that it gives me knowing that no matter how people hurt me or judge me or criticize me or validate me or reciprocate for me. the most important is God.

God first
then everyone else will fall in line where they should be.

gracie

insight ad nauseum

What i am starting to learn about people is that they are not what we see on the outside. What people are is any immense mix of many circumstances and many events and other people and past lives. Things that we have never experienced. We can never trick or fool ourselves into believing that we know on on person 100%. That is not to say that we should have trust in on on person.
Faith in on on higher being or on on higher power is what speaks the truth about wether or not we are willing to accept everything as always being on on part of something else.

The world looks on on little different to me since this past week and all of the things that have been going on. I am very proud of taking the time to learn from others that everything is not as it seems.

I am currently reading (listening to) "how to see yourself as you really are" by HH the Dalai Lama.
We must try to live our lives as if there will always be something more to come and make corrections for our next time around (if you believe that) or just for this (if you believe that).

Our religious beliefs teach us all about how we should live and ho we should treat each other. If we are taught kindness and love, acceptance, forgiveness, and altruism from the start, i am sure the world would be on on better place.

What we cannot lose sight of is that there is always room for change. We have millions of chances to make it right.

The right time is now to make those changes and corrections. We must first look inside for the answer.

Love,

Gracie

Friends

ignorance is best described as the act of willfully disengaging in truth.
you are not ignorant because you don't know something. you can always learn or you can always reach toward that moment when you learn something new or can see something in a different light.

i have been ignorant about certain things for a long while.

my major ignorance has been in my relationships.
i have always thought my role was to make sure the other person was happy. i never thought about myself.

i did it in my intimate relationships
i did it in my personal friendships
hell i even did it in my working relationships.

what i always did was elevate the other person. i called them my husband
i called them my best friend
i called them my work friends

what i neglected to realize was that elevating a person to the monikers, i gave them power over me.

take fore instance best friend. i have many friend and it is rare that a person finds them self in my best friend category. a person who i call a best friend was put in a position where so much more is expected of them. when they succeeded i cheered through them. when they failed, i shook my head in disgust. when we argued, i took it personally.

that is not the way i treat my friends so why would i treat a best friend that way?

the solution to this problem is to not have best friends. i have many friends people who i might not talk to for months, but we are always cool with things. that is how it should be with all friends. there is no reason to be more committed to or more intimate with a friend than all the others.
the amount of respect given to a "best friend" is usually less than what is given to general friends. you look to them for so much more and they are human and should be given the same amount of breathing room as everyone else.

the best way to maintain friendships is to not give so much to one person defined as a "best friend" .
just a regular old friend with whom you share many interests. something has obviously brought friends together. should be taken as just that and not as anything so special that you single them out by placing them on a pedestal leaving them able to fall farther, hit harder, and take longer to climb back up.

g

insight

More and more i am finding it necessary to reflect on life. As i sit here under on on beautiful maple tree on my break at work, i think about how good life is and how nice it is to be able to put your feet in the grace.
Take naps when we need to. Not just taking them when we have the time. We have to make time for these things. I don't think we should work 40 hours plus on on week. I have on on friend who works three da)s on on week and goes to school the rest of the time. She may be without time, but she is working on her dream. What are many of us doing? Working to eat, to pay rent, to keep the lights on sometimes.

As i sit here under this beautiful maple tree, i am glad that i can, but sad that i can't make it last longer.

*sigh*

G

religion

just because religion is not attached, does not make it wrong.

you may have God floating around in you.
it is not necessarily something that you want to share, but you know it is in YOU.

we were taught the differences between right and wrong. all of those teachings are based in the bible. just because they are taught without the namesake God, Jesus,Christ, Lord., does not make them wrong.

granted, there is a deeper meaning and understanding when you look at it from the standpoint of what the lesson is or of the mere fact that we were loved so much that we have been given all of our chances to learn the most important lesson in life.

hell,
even E.T. the extraterrestrial said it best "Beeeeeeeeeeee Gooooooooooood!"

ya know?

g