Change is good... all the time

If you watch nothing else in your life with a mission for change, watch this 20 minute clip with a direction of where our wisdom may work for us. in my personal experience, this is how i feel. this “game” that i am forced to play in order to do what is right some days knocks the wind out of my sails. i operate on the idea that we need a huge change in not how we live, love, and work, but in WHY we do it. last night during our family meeting, we touched on grandma Melernea’s gold kaiser card. Barry Schwartz talks about the janitors who have the wisdom to do their jobs well with the intent of offering caring service to others. when i think of my grandmother and the fact that she did housekeeping for as many years as she had when others ask if she is a doctor, the answer should be “no” with a reply of “better”. like the janitor who cleaned the floor in the room of the comatose man TWICE because the father who had been sitting vigil for 3 months didn’t see it done and was upset; like the housekeeper who did not vacuum because another family who had spent a great deal of time in a waiting room were asleep; and for the janitor who stopped mopping the floor so that a patient who was trying to regain strength could walk the halls. we have to remember that so much of what makes this world a fantastic place comes from those who society looks at as the bottom of the pickings pile. we should never give up hope that doctors, lawyers, politicians, and yes even businessmen on Wall Street can reach for greatness by being more like janitors and housekeepers and persons who work with the public and do their jobs well and with wisdom simply… because… it … is … right Goddess
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Goddess Rambles about Charter Schools

i do see some successes in the charter schools in my area. there are populations that have been painfully under-served. in my case, Black students... yes i know there are many other students who fall into this niche, but i will only talk about what i know. the goal in the school was to give everyone a chance at a quality college-prep educational opportunity. the downside is the proposal was fought like it was the plague. we had a school, the school was empty. we were not shuffling kids about, we just wanted a place for OUR kids... and we take everyone but hear me out. We had to go grassroots to lift enrollment. we pushed in our churches and through our families and we now have to turn children away. our schools are some of the highest in the state of CA at least if not in the nation for charter schools. now that the schools are doing well, other want to sign up. i was on the waiting list for at least 3 years before my son was admitted. if we could open another school, we would be able to increase enrollment. our high and middle school are on a campus that has the ability to house roughly 2000 students, we have half that. it is almost as if we are being set up to fail because we are successful. there are other schools that have closed down. why not take them over? some points that frighten people. 1. non-union teachers 2. unconventional methods used to educate (sure they don't fit the norm, but they work for certain students and we have studies to back that up) 3. makes other schools in the district look bad (my solution to that is for the regular public schools to step up and make the changes necessary for success for ALL of their students) because a great deal of this is from the perspective of a parent of a gifted child in a public school where there was no GATE program, no instinct from teachers so overwhelmed with extremely high student numbers and lack of funding to manage their classrooms effectively (i rarely fault the educators and i don't fault them in this case either) , I felt i had no choice but to step out of the neighborhood school to help my child succeed. His teacher suggested in the 4th grade that i pull him and try to get him in charter. it is a tough call for administrators, educators, parents, and in many cases even the students. i truly believe that charter schools can be the catalyst for change in the educational system of America.
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going back to school

Oh the horror of considering going back to school and being disappointed by what you think are your failures.
I have not failed. I have triumphed. I have managed to leave a destructive relationship, found a love of myself that I still battle with, but am growing more comfortable with day by day. I am proud of myself for taking a risk and coming here today. I sit in a room filled with many people who are noticably younger than me but I cannot let that bother me. I will press through and continue to make strides toward the future that I want for my son and I.
I feel like I have wasted my time in junior college because I have what feels like nothing to show for my hard work. I had to take a break and call my Auntie Terrie for a kick in the ass. Necessary? Hell yeah. I am sick of my job at ATT. It is time to go. It is time to not be at a place in my life where I want to run but have nowhere to go. I want a place to run, so I will be able to take refuge in a place of solace.
So I have had my good cry... I have taken my time to fall apart. I have been through a fire drill and I am set.

This is MY choice. This is MY life. This is MY change. This is MY future.

Stay tuned...

Goddess




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Non-Custodial Parent relief my arse!

Once again, I am faced with another Sunday on a 1st and 3rd weekend.
My son leaves for his fathers in the late afternoon of saturday and I pick him up on the early evening of Sunday.

some folks would say that I should be happy to have the time off but what most people don't realize is that the time my son is at his fathers house , I have barely enough time to think let alone, try to get all of the things that I have neglected over the past 2 weeks and get the rest that I so badly need to catch up on.

I slept in this morning until 10am. I then went to cut the front lawn. It is now noon and I am sitting here at my computer, looking at a living room with all the shit on the floor swept into a pile by the patio door, three loads of laundy to do and 1 load of towels.

As I turn my head to the left and look behind me, I see a kitchen that is just begging for attention. I have two bathrooms that I just shut the door on most days because they are at the bottom of a monumental list.

No time for myself pisses me off. I am stretched beyond what should be allowed for single parents.

This is not how single parenting should be. That is why it is better to raise a child together and equally, even if you are not together anymore.

I watched a little TV last night read a little of a new book I would love to finish sometime in the next century and hit the sack.

Now I have weeds to pull on my patio and the laundry and the kitchen and the tv room. did I forget to mention the tv room. Jeezus Mary Mother of God.
That is another nightmare.

I want to say f*ck it and head on out to the movies but I know this stuff needs to get done.
Bad thing is that I only have 4.5 hours left in my day to get anything done because I have to leave my house to head downtown to pick up my son by 5pm.

I have a frriend , a lovely friend, Kathy who caught me and called me on my sh*t by recognizing that I never ask for help, so now I have to allow her to help me because I am at a level of overwhelm where I want to say "fuck it" all the time. She is right.

I will ask for help.
I can ask for help.
There are so many things that i just give up on.


Oh yeah... I CAN do Algebra *thanks Terrie*

correcction... 4.25 hours now.

Goddess






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Exercising to get away from the kids? You Betcha!

More parenting videos on JuiceBoxJungle

I don't have time to feel guilty for getting time to myself and away from my familial chaos. I find that when i have time away from the boy genius, I am more sane when he wants me to sit and play an hour of Star Wars on the Wii or Star Wars on the XBOX or just a friendly game of chess *smiles*
My thought is that he is just about to turn 8, and I had better do what I can to stay healthy and in shape as I am going to be doing this for the next 16 years (you don't see your kids leaving home for good at 18 do you?).

Now that I have confessed, there is one exercise that I would love to get to do more often by myself and that is bike ride. I have a rack on my VW that can hold two bikes but I can't seem to get myself to believe that it is okay to leave the boy and his bike at home for these riding escapades.

To me, it is like going to see a children's movie with no children.
I am most sure some of you know how I am feeling.

I have to work on that
*makes note to self*
Goddess

poetry

looking up...you better not pout
you better not lie
you better not call me
names or you'll die

Ex-Wife Claus is coming to town!

she's making a list
she checking it twice
ex husbands will be
dead and on ice

Ex-Wife Claus is coming to town!

she sees you when you pick up
she sees you when you drop.
she sees you in the restaurant
with a 12 year old she calling the cops?

oh you better not shout
you better not curse
you better stay cool
she's got a gun in her purse

Ex-Wife Claus is coming to town!

thank the lord i still have a sense of humor. it is what gets me through the hard times. right now, i think it is the hard time. i know it will get better. i feel it coming down the pipe. i have faith that things will improve.
milo will have his Christmas taken care of. i will find a way to get his tuition paid. i will get my bank statements back sooner than later so that i can get on with the court deal. i will do things in my life that make me happy. that will cause things to fall into place sooner than later.

in the meantime, i will still keep smiling, laughing, and enjoying every last minute of my life.

love you all,

me

p.s.
i WILL keep my day job